


a home shaped space

by kianne



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bad Wolf, Episode Fix-It: s04e13 Journey's End, F/M, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, listen literally everyone's written a version of this but I'm here to write one too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kianne/pseuds/kianne
Summary: She expected the Doctor to burst into action, shouting nonsense about some time period or another as he whisked her off to their next adventure without a second thought, as if she’d never left, but he took one look at her face and opened his arms.it was only a one way biological metacrisis, meaning tentoo never existed. Rose stays in this universe, and the forgotten effects of Bad Wolf start to creep in.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 27
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> is the fact literally every fic writer has written a version of this story going to stop me? absolutely not. Is the fact this happened over 10 years ago going to stop me?? no!!!!!!!!
> 
> Picks up right at the end of Journey's End, just assume the metacrisis happened to Donna instantly and didn't need Davros to wake it up.

Rose watched the Doctor as he walked deliberately around the TARDIS console, guiding his friends as they controlled his ship. It was surreal, having him really there again, close enough to touch; it felt like she’d stepped into someone else’s life and as soon as this trip is over she would be back in her parallel universe. 

Donna helped him show their friends how to fly the ship, seeming to be in perfect stride with him. She never looked to him to check she was doing the right thing, she just knew. It was unnerving watching his mannerisms in this woman, and Rose was reminded of when this Doctor was new, when he was so different to her last but every now and then would do something so him that she would forget he’d changed for just a second. 

They touched down so gently Rose wondered for a second if they’d even landed at all. The fact all their bumpy rides weren’t just an inherent fact of the TARDIS, or caused by the Doctor being a bad pilot, and was instead just due to him taking on so many jobs at once made so much sense she let out a startled little laugh. The Doctor’s gaze snapped up to her across the console at the sound, eyes privately warm and bright, and her heart fluttered in her chest. His focus flicked away as quickly, landing instead on Sarah-Jane. 

“London,” He said, “not Aberdeen this time, promise.” 

She grinned at him and they headed towards the door. His attention flicked briefly to Martha and Jack, who gave him a small nod and let him have a moment with her before heading out after him. Jack scooped Rose up in a bone crushing hug and she clutched to him, giddy with happiness. 

“Good to have you back, Rose,” He said and threw her a cheeky salute once setting her feet back on the ground. “I’ll see you again.” 

“Is that a promise?”

“Oh, it’s an order,” He grinned cheekily. 

“He missed you,” Martha said, stepping forward and taking both of Rose’s hands in her own. “He needs you more than he admits, I think. I’m glad you’re back. But…be careful.” There was something sad in her smile, and a deeper meaning behind her words, but she didn’t linger, pulling Rose in for a quick hug before taking a step back to take one last look at the TARDIS and join Jack to step through the door back to the real world. 

Rose moved back to the console, placing her hands gently against the rough coral. She could feel her consciousness brushing delicately against her mind.

“Yeah, I missed you too, old girl,” She murmured, smiling privately. 

Mickey had been talking to her mum, but stepped up to Rose now, hesitant to distract her, even if he wasn’t fully aware of the TARDIS’ sentience. She turned to him, a sad smile tugging at her lips. She’d known for a while he would stay here, ever since his nan died really. There was nothing left for him in the parallel universe, and certainly nothing left for him on the TARDIS. 

“Look after yourself, yeah?” He said. She swallowed back tears as she nodded, stepping forwards to pull him into a tight hug. 

“You too. Thank you, for everything,” She says into his shoulder. He squeezed her tighter for a second then pulled away, heading out of the TARDIS at a jog before the Doctor could come back inside and whisk them away. 

It was quiet in the console room with half its occupants suddenly gone. Rose’s gaze fell to her mother and she had to swallow hard around the lump in her throat once more. She stepped into her arms, burying her face in her shoulder and breathing her scent in. It wasn’t a question, it never had been. Pete and Tony were in the parallel world, the Doctor was in this one. This is how it was always going to be. Everyone leaves home eventually, but it’s not usually with quite such finality. 

They broke apart as the Doctor stepped back into the TARDIS, his shoulders tense and eyes downcast. He and Donna pulled the TARDIS back into the vortex, him with less spring in his step than her, though with her glee at her newfound skills and the Doctor’s heart heavy with goodbyes, it was hardly a surprise. It was a bumpier ride than with a full crew, but certainly smoother than when the Doctor flew by himself. Rose holds her mum’s hand as they tumble through space, and almost too soon they landed safely. Rose could tell it was the parallel universe before she even stepped out the door. It felt different, like she sat differently in time and space itself when she was here. Her mum had never understood what she meant when she tried to explain, so after a while she’d dropped it. 

They filed out of the TARDIS one by one, Jackie already complaining about their whereabouts. It sent shivers down Rose’s spine. Bad Wolf Bay. She wanted to reach for the Doctor, remind herself he was really here, that she can really touch him this time and he wasn’t going to slip through her fingers again, but when she glanced at him he was staring off into the distance, his face that carefully blank mask he hid behind so often, but just missing the air of casual he was aiming for. 

Rose stepped into her mum’s arms, hugging her so tight it was like she was attempting to cram a lifetime’s worth of hugs into that one. When they broke apart Jackie’s eyes were misty, but no tears fell. Always so strong, Rose thought with a pang of sadness in her chest. Jackie’s hand came up to cup her cheek and she leant into it, warm and solid against her skin. 

“Now you look after yourself, you hear. And mister, over there,” She jerked her head at the Doctor. He snaps round, mouth slightly ajar and eyebrows raised. 

“Oh, you’re-?” He looks at Rose. 

“I’m coming with you,” She says. Of course he would assume otherwise. 

“But- but the walls are closing. Rose you won’t be able to skip back over here like before, this is it, this time. You can’t come back.” 

Rose shared a look with her mum, and then glanced to Donna who was wearing the same exasperated expression. 

“Doctor, how many times do we have to go over this for it to get through your thick skull,” She said, taking a step towards him, “I’m coming with you. I’m always coming with you. I didn’t spend all that time searching through parallel universes to get back to you, just for you to drop me back off in bloody Bad Wolf Bay! I made my decision a long time ago,” She said, hoping the old line will break through to him. “I’m not leaving you.”

He looked startled at that, a little incredulous, like he hadn’t been expecting her to choose him yet again at all. Rose laughed and shook her head, turning back to her mum. 

“Useless, he is,” Jackie jerked her head at the Doctor, “now you look after her, or I’ll tear the walls of the universe apart myself to see to you,” She called over Rose’s shoulder. 

“I love you darling, with all my heart.” She said, and pulled Rose down to kiss her forehead before tugging her in for one last, tight hug and stepping back, giving her hands a last squeeze. 

The Doctor is was gaping slightly, like he couldn’t quite believe his eyes, but when Rose passed him to step back into the doorway of the TARDIS, he pulled himself together, grew serious, locking eyes with Jackie. 

“I promise I’ll keep her safe, Jackie,” He said. She smiled somewhat sadly and nodded, eyes bright with unshed tears. “Give Pete and Tony my love.”

The Doctor brushed past Rose and jogged to the console, not wanting the TARDIS to have to stay in the parallel universe any longer than necessary. Rose took one last look at her mother, pressed a kiss to her fingertips, and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She pressed her head to the cool wood for a moment, breathing deep to try and steady herself. The Doctor was already darting around the console, jabbering about walls closing and the TARDIS being unhappy. 

Rose felt the moment when they jolt out of the parallel universe and into their own. They were only drifting aimlessly through the void but it felt more stable, more like home. She expected the Doctor to burst into action, shouting nonsense about some time period or another as he whisked her off to their next adventure without a second thought, as if she’d never left, but he took one look at her face and opened his arms. She stepped into them immediately, slipping her arms under his jacket to circle his waist and burying her face into his neck, enveloped in strong arms. 

She was suddenly overwhelmed by so many emotions from the day that without warning she’s sobbing, shoulders shaking as he soothed her quietly. They stand like that for a while, until his shirt was damp but her eyes were dry. She pulled back slightly and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. She leaned into it, eyes closed tight as she breathed the warm familiar scent of him. Her chest ached with how much she’d missed this. 

“I’m gonna go to bed,” She said, hand coming up to press against his chest so she could feel the double heartbeat there reminding her that he was real. 

“Are you gonna be okay?” He asked in a low voice, ducking his chin down to catch her eye. She looked up at him, his face so close to hers, and drank in the sight. His warm golden brown eyes, unruly floppy hair, sideburns and stubble. The surreality of having him in her arms again after such finality in their parting almost makes her dizzy. 

“I missed you,” She said instead of answering. There was a beat, then his face broke into a beautiful grin. 

“I missed you too. But you came back,” His voice was almost giddy, and she couldn’t help her own smile breaking out. 

“Yeah. You’re not getting rid of me that easily, mister,” She drew back to point a playful finger at him, “though I really am going to bed. I’m exhausted and I’ve got a headache. We did just defeat the daleks again, after all,” She kept her voice light; she’d just been a sobbing mess in the Doctor’s arms and she didn’t want him to think she regretted her decision in any way. 

“Goodnight,” He said fondly, and pulled her in for one more quick hug, chin propped on the top of her head, before releasing her. 

Rose had almost forgotten Donna was there, standing quietly by the console fiddling with bits of it to make herself look busy. Rose smiled, it was exactly what the Doctor did to make himself scarce. 

“Night Donna, you were brilliant today,”

“Yeah, and you,” Donna said, smiling at her warmly. 

It was strange seeing Donna in the TARDIS. Seeing the whole group of the Doctor’s friends crowded around the console had felt natural, right, even, but just Donna on her own felt like a shift in tone. It wasn’t just Rose and the Doctor anymore. The wave of jealousy Rose had been expecting had never come though. She had taken to Donna almost immediately, and could see why the Doctor liked her. She really was brilliant. And in all honesty, Rose was glad the Doctor had had a friend by his side while she had been gone. The thought of him traveling alone had eaten her up in the parallel world, and knowing he’d still had the hand of someone who cared about him to hold while he navigated the cold depths of space when she couldn’t be there to hold it herself eased that ache a little. 

The walk back to her room was slightly longer than usual, and Rose had a feeling the TARDIS had sensed that she wanted to be alone with her thoughts for a little while longer before getting ready for bed. The familiar corridors were comforting, and she ran a hand lightly over one of the coral walls, smiling as she felt a pulse of warmth in her mind in response. 

“I missed you too,” She whispered. 

Her room was almost exactly as she’d left it, which almost felt stranger than if it had been tidied in her absence. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but tears sprang unexpectedly to her eyes at the sight. This was home. She was really back home after so long. 

She’d expected the bed to be more rumpled; it wasn’t neatly made by any measure but she usually left it in a mess every morning, never really seeing the point in making it just to mess it up again the next night. The last time she’d left this room had been to stop off to visit her mum - of course that had turned out to be the morning of the battle of Canary Wharf, but she hadn’t known that at the time - so at least there was no dirty laundry scattered about the floor. No, that was all missing along with her blue rucksack back at her mum’s flat. The council would have cleared that all out for a new family to move into by now, the thought made her chest pang. 

Luckily the TARDIS never let her run out of clean underwear though, and none of her favourite clothes had been in that rucksack. She’d coped without them all this long, anyway. She opened her drawers and smiled when she saw her favourite soft jimjams right at the top. She really loved the TARDIS. 

When she padded into her ensuite all her toiletries were completely untouched, her tube of toothpaste half empty - luckily with the cap screwed on properly so it hadn’t dried out. Rose wondered idly how the TARDIS managed to go through so many rough landings without knocking all her precariously balanced little bottles and nicknacks over, despite her being able to feel if the Doctor ever threw them into or out of the vortex while she was in there. She made a mental note she knew she would probably forget to ask the Doctor the next morning. 

Her foot brushed up against something as she went to climb into bed. A dark piece of fabric curled out from under the bed, and her breath caught in her throat as she bent to pick it up. It was a brown tie, patterned with pale blue squares and darker brown circles. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, recognising it as the tie the Doctor had been wearing on that last day. The sight of it in her room, dropped forgotten under her bed, and the implication that he’d been in here long enough he’d wanted to take it off and had subsequently forgotten having done so, was almost enough to make her run from her room and drag him back in here, if only so she could hold him while she slept so she could be certain she was back with him and not going to wake up alone in her bed back in Pete’s house. 

Instead, she folded the tie neatly and placed it in her bedside table drawer, deciding not to present it back to him for now to save him any embarrassment, and climbed into bed. Though she’d expected to lie awake for hours after all she’d been through that day, she fell asleep almost instantly, the faint smell of hair gel in her nose.


	2. Chapter 2

Rose awoke naturally rather than to the sound of an alarm clock blaring for the first time since entering Pete’s world, and relished in the warm, calm feeling of not needing to dash out of bed. There was never any need for clocks on the TARDIS; she pretty much just slept when she was tired for as long as she needed to without worrying about any external time factors, seeing as there weren’t any in the vortex

She was back on the TARDIS. She was home. A grin overtook her face even as she opened her eyes blearily. It faltered only a second later however, when she remembered what it had cost her to get here. She allowed herself a moment to hurt over the loss of her mum, before pushing it aside and moving on. She’d made her decision, and she wasn’t going to wallow in it, not when she was back with the Doctor, not when she’d worked so hard for so long to be here. She dressed quickly, wanting to be back with the Doctor as soon as possible. She hadn’t had the chance to talk to him properly the day before, what with the would-be generation and invasion of the daleks and all. Busy day. 

She’d half expected Donna to be in the galley when she got there, but maybe she was an early riser - or a late one. She realised that their sleep cycles might be completely out of sync and they might have to work to match them up properly. That was a strange thought; the Doctor only needed a few hours sleep every couple of days so living by her own body clock had never been an issue before, he pretty much just followed Rose’s lead and got his shut eye whenever she was already in bed. Maybe they would have to introduce clocks into the TARDIS finally, or maybe humans naturally sync up sleep cycles even without the natural cues of daylight. 

By the time Rose had brewed her tea, she realised the TARDIS felt oddly quiet. She’d been expecting voices now there was more than just the two passengers, though again, maybe Donna was asleep. She poured the Doctor a cup too, and got one out ready for Donna in case she was awake but didn’t pour it yet. 

Predictably, she found the Doctor in the first place she looked. He was in the console room, standing with his back to her as she shuffled in, eyes on the mugs in her hands so as not to spill any. When she glanced up she took in the tense line of his shoulders and the way his hands were braced stiffly on the panels. 

“She’s gone isn’t she?” Rose asked softly. 

“Yeah,” The Doctor replied without turning. Rose moved closer, placing his mug on the console in front of him and leaning her hip against it so she was facing him. She took in his profile, shut off and toughened in that way that concealed a deep sadness. 

“Was she okay?”

“Yeah,” He said again. Rose placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. It seemed to snap him out of it slightly because he took a deep breath and turned to lean against the console instead, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“A human-time lord metacrisis shouldn’t be able to happen. When she touched my hand the residual regeneration energy fed back into her - time lord consciousness stuffed into a human brain - it was too much. She never would have been able to handle it. Your brains just don’t have the processing capabilities for all of time and space at once,”

“Tell me about it,” Rose said. She didn’t remember her time as Bad Wolf, but she remembered the killer headache it had left her with for days afterwards. The Doctor let out a puff of air that couldn’t really be considered a laugh. 

“I had to remove it from her mind,” He said quietly, chin tucked down and eyes staring unfocussed at the floor, “which meant wiping her memory.” 

“I’m sorry,” Rose said, watching him with sad eyes. 

“She begged me not to, I just- it’s not fair. She saved the universe, she was so brilliant and she’s stuck in Chiswick as a temp. Doesn’t even know she’s important.”

Rose leant her head against the Doctor’s shoulder and covered his hand with her own, stroking her thumb across the cool skin comfortingly. He turned his cheek to rest against her hair and they stayed like that for a while, until Rose remembered the cooling tea in her hand and moved away from him to drink it. The Doctor snatched up his own and drank it down in several big gulps, moving around the console flipping switches in his wake. 

“How would you, Rose Tyler, like to get breakfast?” He said, the sadness in his voice shuttered out. 

“Breakfast?” Rose grinned. 

“Breakfast!”

“Where?”

“Up to you, anywhere you’d like,”

“There was that gorgeous little bakery down on New Earth,”

“New Earth!” He cried, throwing a lever that sent the TARDIS tumbling through the vortex. Instinctually, Rose’s hands found familiar handholds on the console, and she clung on, smile so wide her face ached. 

A wave of familiar applegrass scented air hit Rose as she stepped out the TARDIS and she closed her eyes, breathing it in. She felt the Doctor’s shoulder brush up against hers as he joined her outside and she wrapped her arm through his. 

“I love it here,” She said, leaning into him. He let out a giddy little laugh, and they started down the grassy slopes towards the city. Of course, they could have parked a little closer to the city this time, but getting to walk hand in hand and just enjoy the scenery had always been one of their favourite ways to start the day. There was no better way to get the feel for a place than walking it on foot, and it gave the Doctor a chance to show off- or rather, impart his local knowledge. 

The planet was just as it had been the first time they were there, warm air cooled by a gentle breeze, wonderfully sunny blue skies interrupted only by the sleek, quiet ships soaring overhead. 

“I came here with Martha one time, while you were- uh, yeah. Anyway, they had half the population trapped underground in this never-ending traffic jam,”

“A never-ending traffic jam? Sounds like they rebuilt London to me,” 

“People had been stuck down there years, no getting out. And there were these big crab things at the bottom that would eat people who got down into the fast lane,” 

“You know, if I hadn’t already seen the cat nuns looking after a giant severed head in a jar I’d swear you were making this up,” Rose laughed. 

“No, honest! Virus broke out, wiped out most of the population. They sealed off the motorway and trapped everyone down there to keep them alive. We freed them all,” 

“All of New New York dead? Other than the people in cars?”

“Yeah. Still though, they rebuilt. It’s what you people do.” 

It was so familiar, the Doctor talking about humans as an alien race; she’d missed it. Rose had taken to doing it too, somewhere along the line, and it had earned her a fair share of odd looks while she’d been at Torchwood. But the people there had felt alien to her. Never mind that the concept of living an ordinary human life day by day felt alien, they were people from an entirely different dimension, they’d felt different in a way she couldn’t quite explain. 

“So did you travel with many other people while I was gone? Or was it just Donna and Martha?” Rose asked, the Doctor stiffened slightly and tugged at his ear awkwardly at the sudden shift in conversation. 

“Just those two. I kind of screwed things up for Martha a bit, so she’s back with her family now. Works for UNIT now though, making things better from the inside. She was brilliant. You’d have liked her,” He said, Rose got the impression he didn’t want to talk about them much more. 

“They weren’t replacing you,” He said quickly, stopping suddenly, “I thought it was best to- I never thought I could see you again, but they weren’t-” He stumbled over his words in a rush, and Rose took his hand, squeezing it gently. 

“I know. I’m glad you weren’t alone, I couldn’t bear the thought of you traveling by yourself. I’m glad you had friends.” 

He studied her face for signs she was lying, worry still creasing his brow. She softened and tugged him into a brief hug, revelling in the ability to do this now. He held her tight, face pressed into her neck and she knew he was thinking the same thing. 

“How long was it? For you?” She asked as they drew back.

“Oh, ehh around two years,” He said, looking off into the distance like he had to think about it and his time senses hadn’t kept an excruciating track of it for him. His gaze flicked back to her, his brow creased. “How long was it for you?”

“Four and a half,” She said without preamble. She’d lived it in linear time for once, even with the parallel world hopping, so there was no point trying to pretend she didn’t know. To her surprise, the Doctor’s eyebrows furrowed, and he stared at her intently, eyes scanning her face like he was looking for something. 

“What?” She said, instinctively taking half a step back like she could shield herself from his intense gaze. 

“Nothing!” He said brightly, instantly perking up. “C’mon, that bakery has a banana pie with my name on it.”

“Will the bakery even still be there?” Rose asked suddenly, hurrying to keep up as the Doctor strode away. 

“Oh, I should hope so. The virus doesn’t break out for another decade or so; this is only a year after we were last here, give or take.” 

Sure enough, the little bakery was almost the same as the last time they’d visited, kitschy hand-painted sign and everything. The Doctor made a quip about humans in this century being a “sentimental lot” and Rose laughed, feeling like she understood why. There were mismatched tables and chairs inside from several different time periods, but they opted to get their pastries in a box to go and enjoy the planet instead. They wandered down to the beach, the hospital visible in the distance. 

Rose had expected to hate beaches after Bad Wolf Bay, but she found them oddly comforting instead. She had felt connected to the Doctor there, perhaps in the way one might feel connected to a loved one at their graveyard, but that was a morbid thought Rose had decided not to linger on. On the days where it had all been a little too much she would take the car and drive the two hours to the nearest beach to London and sit there for hours, tasting the salt in the air and from her tears. It felt odd to be at one with the Doctor there in person, able to touch and everything. He squeezed her hand a little tighter as they trekked over the sand to find a good spot to sit. 

“They didn’t go back to keeping people as living lab rats did they?” Rose asked while the Doctor spread his coat out for them to sit on to avoid sandy bums. Luckily it wasn’t a blustery day or they’d have been eating sand with their food. 

“Not as far as I know. We could go check on them, if you’d like?”

Rose made a face and the Doctor laughed, scooping her pastry out of the box and handing it to her delicately. 

“Nah, it’s not quite the golden age of medicine but they’re doing alright,” He said, then moaned in a frankly obscene manner as he took a huge bite of his pie, getting cream all over his top lip and up onto his nose. Rose laughed, thoroughly distracted from thoughts of the hospital. 

“Now that is good,” He said around a mouthful. 

“And still not a single manner,” She quipped, and took a mouthful of her own pastry, immediately forgoing her own manners, “blimey that’s good.”

The Doctor had never been one for talking about his past without prompting, even apparently his very recent past just to fill Rose in on what she’d missed. She knew if she asked directly he would tell her, but also knew he would appreciate not being pushed, so instead she talked about her time in Pete’s world. About how she’d floated somewhat aimlessly around Torchwood until they’d noticed the increase in rift activity and she’d taken on the dimension cannon project. When she’d started her story he’d looked pained, but by the time she finished he was glowing with pride, barely containing his grin. 

“I don’t think I say it enough,” He said when she was finished, “but Rose Tyler, I’m proud of you.”

She laughed and ducked her head away, trying to conceal her blush. 

“I’m glad you came back,” 

“You’re not angry I could’ve torn the universe apart?” She quipped, quirking an eyebrow at him. 

“Oh, fuming. Positively belligerent.” He had one eye winked shut against the sun’s glare, and he cocked his head to the side, mouth open in a wide goofy grin. Rose had the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Instead she turned to nod out towards the open horizon of the sea. 

“Go on then, I picked breakfast. Take me somewhere fantastic.” 

“With pleasure.” 

The Doctor jumped to his feet and offered a hand down to Rose, fingers waggling invitingly. He pulled her up and she scooped up his coat, helping him into it against the wind tugging it away from him. As they walked hand in hand back to the TARDIS to embark on another adventure together, a sense of rightness settled over Rose in a way she hadn’t felt in four and a half years, when they’d parked on the Powell Estate to pay Jackie that visit.


End file.
